The Great Iyer Groom Hunt
The Maamis are struggling. Not in their careers (well there would always be something or the other to crib about regarding jobs!), not in their relationships (did you think romantic ones?; don't even think on those lines), not in their hobbies & interests (SM is busy clicking 'unique' pictures whereas DM is reading & writing as per her whims and fancies) but the challenge lies for them in groom hunt! Well, its official now. Both the Maamis have been formally launched in the Marriage Market, pitched as the perfect marriage material for all the Iyers (one of the sub-sects of the Tamil Brahmin community, the other being Iyengars).
Without delaying further, lets address the issues that DM is facing straightaway (obviously from DM's perspective, conveniently ignoring the forlorn condition of the guys) for which it is essential to know the SOP (Standard Operating Procedure). After the first-cut review of the Guy's (potential Mama) profile on Tamil Matrimony (of the Maamis,by the Maamis, for the Maamis!) in which guys would be judged on the basic parameters (like looks, education, family background, and location), DM move onto the second step of horoscope (more of a horror-scope) matching, once the other party also shows some interest. The communication at this stage flows through mail exchange or telephonic conversations between the parents. Almost 50% of the cases get rejected at this stage itself. A few cases get to the 3rd stage and get the unique opportunity of their lifetime to know our DM. At this stage, the mode of communication is typically phone and web chats. After this it is entirely upto DM and the guy to take it forward.
Now, as you know our dear DM makes no qualms in talking to strangers. She is friendly, puts the other person at ease and is quite casual and practical about the entire thing. But prolonged conversations, beyond a point, confuse her. She doesn't know to what extent she should involve herself into this emotionally when there is no surety in the culmination of the alliance deal. At times she has to handle 2-3 guys, all in the talking stage, getting to know each other. Just imagine - DM confusing the facts of one guy with another and responding to the 3rd person on 2nd person's query! She also doesn't understand if someone tells her he needs more time to make the decision. She just wonders in vain if the guy is not interested or genuinely he needs more time to think on this or is he simply shit-scared of his nearing fate!
DM only needs your consolation and good wishes to pass through this phase! SM's case study to follow...
Comments
have witnessed the same process from close quarters, sans the horror-scope bit for my sister. i knw its too taxing mentally. but thats the only way we are left with for arranged marriage.
one more aspect of this entire process is the comparison to your peers - cousins n friends who have got married and just add pressure to ur situation.
but one thing to remember in this case is type 1 error (reject right) is better than type 2 (accept wrong). take ur time don't hurry up. things will fall in place
all the best for the hunt :)
then comes the religion criteria/ sect/ horoscope / boy's job n education / family status / muhurtam etc (not necessarily in that order though)
for us expat mallus, there could also be the name criteria - all sorts of strange names mallu parents like to christen their kids with. at times it cud be a sore point ( i remember a couple of them in my sister's case, one of them i filtered out in the initial phase itself, never let it reach my parents) i knw that it could apply to me as well, but nishal atleast sounds fine n i have recently figured out a meaning for it.
BTW, what does Nishal mean? :)
yes, expectations can play havoc in relationships. its our faith and trust in others which causes these expectations. ironically if we cut out this faith and trust, it wud be difficult for the relationship to exist. its a fine balancing act, to keep expectations compartmentalized from relationships. what we need to understand is that our behavior to a great extent is a function of our immediate surrounding situation and not necessarily our inherent nature.
n yes, the latest meaning for nishal - its quite close to what a school is called in gujarati. i have had other meanings of nishal over the years but they were invented by me n don't hold much significance.