Goodbye Thathi...

As helpless as I am at this stage, can only wish she gets peace and solace, where ever she is now. Wish could see her one last time.

Cried remembering her innocent and anguished face when I was in hospital with her the last time. Cried remembering her lost self when she mumbled to me, holding my hand, that she didn't want to go to Mumbai when we were on our way to drop her at the airport (after which she could never return to Delhi to our place). Cried remembering her painful life towards the end of her stay with us, not being able to perform even her daily morning ablutions and too weak to hold herself.

Then came back the old memories of childhood when both of us used to have fun enacting bed time stories, she would take up the sparrow's role and I would be the crow. She would take viva tests of mathematical tables. She would play board games with me. She would be a silent audience in front of television. She would suddenly come up with some character of her past life, mostly some relative and start telling us about him. She had a great memory and Appa used to marvel her for this.

Amma has often told me how She used to be a terror for the servants at the Pandara Road house and how she used to actively manage the household. It was difficult for me to imagine her in the said form as I had always seen her as friendly, humble and lost person. Often she would sing some Sanskrit shlokas in her idle times. She loved to eat junk items and at one time was an ardent fan of Coke/Pepsi.

She was proud of her children and often elaborated on their academic achievements. She was a bit unhappy to have moved into a small house after having lived most of her life in palatial houses. Well, she hardly realized that she spent the last one year of her life with her eldest son in a bigger house (as she had desired earlier) as she was not in a sane state of mind. The last time I met her was in Mumbai with Vignesh, just after my marriage. We had visited her to seek her blessings but I was highly disappointed to find her in her own world; I could not reach out to her. I could just meekly sit besides her, trying to make her talk or sing, and show some signs of recognition of me. But she was far away from me. Though she made sure that she blessed us and that was enough for me.

Love you thathi (this is how I addressed my Grandmom). You would always be alive in my fond memories of you!

Comments

Unknown said…
their blessing and wishes will always be with us.
10:00 AM
Shambhavi said…
and u dint even bother to tell me!! how are u doing now??
11:05 PM
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