khalidimag

After getting smitten by the strong 'Rit' influence 3 years back, I am now getting back to my original self. One importnt realization is that no matter to what extent you try to imitate a person unconsciously, your core personality would never change. I am happy to have become more practical. I no more lament over trivial issues and believe in moving ahead in life. I no more cling on to certain relationships that i wanted to save. I have set them free thinking that they would return if destined to. But undoubtedly, Rit has been a Change Leader for me. She has been my role model for handling some of the most precarious situations in my life till date. Her devotion to the values and principles in life makes her special to me. And above all, she taught me the meaning of friendship and relationships. I learnt to enjoy life from her. She is one person you cannot ignore. She may come across as a silly girl but as you start knowing her, her charm would leave you dazed. At times she ...

Being quite tired of the IMT happenings, I was desperately looking for a break in the form of the 2 month long ST! Well, I knew about the company only to the extent of familiarity of its name and that some of my batch-mates (of CBS) were working with it. Well, after 3-4 days of hard core enjoyment (typical post exam freak-out), I left home for a ‘Roc’ing day, with no great expectations but bit of an excitement that automatically flows in when we go to a new place due to the uncertainty associated with the kind of place and people to be encountered. The journey was okay but I could not keep my eyes open for more than half an hour in the bus (now that I was quite habitual of getting a sleep till late in the morning..). I reached the destination well before time in spite of roaming around in that area for 10-15 minutes trying to figure out the office building (as we were looking for a wrong address..this happened given the fact that I had visited the company once. Hence concluded, that I ...

Just a thought that visited me after reading Aritri's poem (P.S: she writes really well..) - Throughout my life I keep looking for something that I don't have. I seek love in the jungles of hatred and materialism. I keep waiting for the Mr. Right to whom I would surrender my self. I find love but do not appreciate its beauty as I get entangled in the worldly affairs. After I win the rat race, I look back but can't find it. And then I crave for it when I lose the loved one. I chose this path for me but I blame the destiny and God for this fate. I stand all alone like a forlorn cactus in the endless desert, gazing at the indifference of the passers-by. I want to fill the vacuum in my life. I wait patiently for that love to return. I wait for a ray of love to traverse these shadows of gloom.

I don't know how to interpret this incident that happened this morning...Anyway, I was the victim. I was in the auto headed towards Shahdra bus depot. Two boys on a bike overtook the auto and were about to turn rightwards when suddenly both of them waved to me and shouted “ye kitne hain?”, i.e., “how many were they?”. Well, later on I understood that they were showing their fingers and asking me if I could make out how many were they. Spurt of anger was the first emotion that I could feel. How dare they challenge my eye-sight! But then I chuckled at my own confusion. Well, then I heaved a sigh consoling myself that these things do happen (esp. to me…!).

I have mixed feelings right now...There are a lot of instances which make you feel good or bad but there are some that make you think. In the morning, I travelled in an auto rickshaw alongwith three women and four of us were stacked somehow in the available space. In such a case, only three of the passengers can sit (more or less) comfortably but the fourth one would have a tough time. Here, the fourth one was a lady in orange saree. I was pretty content with my comfortable position and didn't give a damn about the others. When the auto reached its destination and all of us got down, I was surprised (infact..a bit shocked) to see that the lady in orange was pregnant (5-6 months). That moment filled me with remorse. After blaming myself enough for my inconsiderate act, I started blaming the lady for travelling like this when she needed to take utmost care of her health. But then I could not escape from my guilt....

Finally I got a break from IMT but don't get me wrong. This is not a vacation but summer training (which is supposed to be rocking...you'll know why..!). My next few posts would be dedicated to this new experience (i have the faintest idea whether adding value or not..). Now that I have covered this journey halfway (till now it was quite smooth...), I can't comment until it ends...

Life has slowed down in pace. There used to be days when targets and deadlines governed the activities of my day in office. And now, although I get a lot of free time for widening my sphere of knowledge by exploring the internet, I have no definite work set aside for me. So, I can let my hair down and spend some time on myself. Looking at the plight of some of my IMT colleagues, I consider myself lucky enough to subsist in an air-conditioned office and spend time as per my own sweet will (obviously not under any surveillence!). These days I see different varieties of people all around me in all strange postures possible (won't like to elaborate on that...) as I travel in buses and auto rickshaws regularly. I listen to the people indulged in ultimate 'bhasad' (IMT lingo used in place of gossip..). At times these talks are interesting but mostly it is non-sensical. Sometimes I have an urge to interrupt or comment but then I won't prefer people calling me insane! I catch a...

Nishabd (the latest Amitabh movie) did focus on some of the unspoken desires and feelings of a human when he is in his last stage of life. The idea of a 6o yr old man falling in love with an 18 yr old girl would obviously raise many eyebrows but then it is important to understand the logic behind it. As Amitabh expresses his point of view in the movie, he is attracted not only physically to the girl but he re-discovers his reason for living through her. She arouses the child within him and ignites the spirit to live for his passion. And this is very true. All of us become so engrossed in our routine life of earning, and household chores that we completely forget to give ourselves some time. As is shown in the movie, Revathi (Amitabh's wife) gives up her dancing for her family and starts living just for her family. She spends almost all her time in either her kitchen or in getting the work done from her deaf servant. The monotony of life is clearly portrayed through her. On the oth...

Patience always shows results. If you desperately try to achieve something without realizing that this may not be the right time to put in the efforts, then it would be a waste of time and efforts in addition to the by product of de-motivation. When you try hard to hold on to something or someone, the more is the probability of you losing it/him/her. As the more you want to hold sand, the more quickly it drifts away. Sometimes you have to let it go. It is better to try as far as possible and then wait patiently for the results without getting frustrated. No doubt it is difficult, but then life cannot be expected to be that easy!!

Ever thought about your name? I wonder at times as to how important is my name for me. To what extent do I identify myself with it? Can I relate to it? We grow old all through our life along with our respective names and during all these years, we start loving it. I ponder over the feeling of exclusivity that i get when some stranger calls my name. I have always loved it when my teachers used to address me by my name. I cherish the moment when I see my name on the list of selected candidates/winners for any competition/contest. I take pride in staring at my signatures. How bad we feel if someone could not pronounce our names correctly. Some people are really sensitive about it, especially when they inherit the names of their respective grandparents/parents. Ever imagined about another name that may suit you better? I have tried doing it but have always failed to find a new name for myself. Same is the case with sir-name. The concept of nickname is also quite interesting. It came into e...

Sometimes I feel I am good for nothing. I can’t help my friends the way and the extent to which they want me to. I am not able to meet the expectations of my parents. I don’t know how to behave with people. I don’t know the right things which should be said/done on right occasions. I am not good at anything. I am not even doing justice to myself. I am not disciplined enough to pursue my hobbies. People don’t respect me for what I am and want me to be someone else. Why should I pretend to be someone else when I am not…? Why don’t people let me be what I am. Why should I adapt myself all the time to others’ wish? Can’t I live in peace without worrying about what other people might think? Am I being true to anyone? Or for that matter even to my own soul? I pretend to abide by my ethics but I don’t even have the guts to stick to what I believe in. Why am I so weak? Why don’t I behave in a manner that commands respect? Why do I get influenced so much by what others have to say/think about m...

Wedding: Well, there may be varied reactions to this word by different people. Some dream about it while some consider it a nightmare. Some take it quite seriously whereas some people think it is just another responsibility as part of life. Some of us have a clear idea about what we look for in our “would be” and there is also a category of people that either has left it to God/ parents & relatives/destiny to select their bride/groom or has always believed in “love at first sight” (LAFS). Now this concept of LAFS is very interesting and unbelievable. I am not talking about the feeling (not to comment on the genuineness of it to be called love) that gets aroused due to the face value of a person. But this is something which cannot be put into words. This is inexplicable but let me give it a try. It’s like “we-have-met-before” kind of a feeling, even though you are meeting him/her for the first time. There is something that tells you that this is it. It obviously has no logic but th...

Are you happy today? Ever wondered what is happiness? It is nothing more than a chemical reaction in our body causing pleasentness. Where to find it? Within ourselves..What makes us happy? Depends on what we want...A child gets it when he gets the desired toy(companion) & parents get pleasure in seeing their child playing happily. A student gets it when he scores the way he wants(when hard work bears fruit) & a teacher is happy to see his/her student achieving success. A girl may get it when she goes for shopping(materialistic happiness). A farmer may get it when he looks over his fully grown paddy field. A thirsty man may get it when he finds water. A couple may get it at their child's birth. A singer gets pleasure in singing. A dog feels happy in the company of his master. I feel happy when I have no work to do!! Why don't we find happiness in smaller things in life? What does a girl feel when her boyfriend proposes to her? The first kiss? (or for that matter every t...

Ever asked a girl how does it feel being of the female gender? Now you would say when I never asked a guy, what is so special being a girl? I would say, it wouldn't have been if the Indian society wouldn't been a male chauvinistic society. People say it is the weaker sex, the reason being that we are dependent on our male counterparts for leading our lives. Although it has been proved wrong by many bold females by challenging and going against the generally accepted rules and regulations for girls, there are still several areas, where the battle is still on. Now without getting into the details of "Equality for Women in society" issue, I would take the case of one my friends. Let me call her Ms. M. Now this girl, like all my friends, is a highly confused but simple and modest (to an extreme) girl. She hasn’t had a boyfriend in her 22 yr long life. But is now developing feelings for a guy on whom she first had a crush (is it called puppy love??). Ok..looks simple. But...

Time for some self- evaluation..I think I have further changed after coming to IMT. And this is quite unexpected. A substantial change in such a short duration… Earlier there used to be one such person who used to know approx 90% of all the happenings in my life. (there was and is no one who knows 100%!!) After coming here, I started to lookout for a friend…as I am I need a friend..not a group of friends..I think I can never maintain a good personal relation with a group of friends. I have always created relationship with individuals, although I can work very well in a group. So more than a professional relation, I cannot share my personal affairs with a group. I had found one..but yesterday I got to know that even he considers me a selfish person. Today I come to know about Anna’s opinion that I am not a group element. I think I agree with him but I felt bad. Rite now, the two closest friends I have at IMT are D and M. But somehow I feel even they don’t know me completely. Do I know ...

I think advising comes quite easily to human beings. Ask anyone for his/her advice/ opinion/suggestion, and bang comes the reply...no matter how irrelevant/cliched it may be. Well, I am no exception to this generalization. But this is a fact that no one can understand the worries of a sufferer until and unless one goes through the same suffering. No matter how empathetic u pretend to be, you cannot put yourself into the shoes of the victim. And then how fake/artificial/emotionless seems the so-called "advice" of the so called "well-wisher". I can very easily try to console my friends when their failures in life force them to get worried but when once upon a time I was in the same spot, relatively I was far more worried. But aren't these worries a part of life? You can never be free of them. It started (for me) from class 5 (as I don't recollect how i felt before that time period). I had to score the highest in class. And so I was crazy about marks. This cont...

B’day - This phenomenon is really close to my heart. I remember almost all my b’days, right from class 5 to 28 Sep’06. Well, they have always been special. During the primary school days, there was this typical way of celebration by distributing sweets in the class and throwing party in the school canteen for a group of close friends. People say children don’t have to worry about the worldly considerations but even in this tender age, I had to think twice and consult my best friend for deciding who all have to be invited for my treat. To add on to the headache, I even had to be reminded as to who were the ones who invited me in their party. And who are the ones who gave me presents and cards this time. Hmmm…birthdays are fun but isn’t it too much for a class 5 kid?? Then came secondary and senior secondary days. Now the celebration took a different form. The number of people treated went down. Only the closest of friends were treated. But the celebration with friends was limited to sch...

hey... i know i am quite irregular at blogging..but then somewhere one desperately needs to be irregular to break the monotony of life... Well, I am slowly coming back to my normal self (the bindaas kinds wholistically but the restless kinds for trivial issues..). My councellor gave me a wonderful advise - don't try to control everything in your life. Sometimes you need to just let it go and let things happen in your life. Agreed, one needs to have an internal locus of control (now that I am familiar with the OB terms - one biggest advantage of doing an MBA, you get to use high flown jargons..) but then at some juncture, you seem to have lost control over the happenings in your life. The only solution is not to crib over what is happening but try to accept the reality and enjoy the awkwardness of the situation. It all depends on how you take it!! If your perspective of looking at things changes, all the difficult circumstances seem to look simple. Believe me...this is really strang...

Hey..feels nice to be back to writing after a month and a half…… Well, it seemed to be almost a year here at IMT…may be coz of so many happenings in such a short duration or coz of the initial teething problems which seemed to be never ending. It has been a roller-coaster ride till now. I started with a bumpy ride in the beginning. Life seemed to be hell. Here I was in the midst of all non-familiar faces, didn’t have much to do apart from sleeping through yoga classes, orientation sessions and introductory classes. I was in no position to know where I was directed to and what I was doing in such a place. It seemed one has to compete for everything- right from reserving your place in committees to as trivial a issue as getting food in the mess. It seemed there was no one for you, you just have to know everybody around you to create a good impression on others so that you can work with them in teams. All the events seemed to be part of a drama, produced and directed by you, with the lead...