Change again!

Time for some self- evaluation..I think I have further changed after coming to IMT. And this is quite unexpected. A substantial change in such a short duration… Earlier there used to be one such person who used to know approx 90% of all the happenings in my life. (there was and is no one who knows 100%!!) After coming here, I started to lookout for a friend…as I am I need a friend..not a group of friends..I think I can never maintain a good personal relation with a group of friends. I have always created relationship with individuals, although I can work very well in a group. So more than a professional relation, I cannot share my personal affairs with a group. I had found one..but yesterday I got to know that even he considers me a selfish person. Today I come to know about Anna’s opinion that I am not a group element. I think I agree with him but I felt bad. Rite now, the two closest friends I have at IMT are D and M. But somehow I feel even they don’t know me completely. Do I know myself completely? I don’t think so..no one does completely..my mood swings have grown in intensity, I get jealous of people very soon, I want my friends’ attention without me caring much about all of them, I am more tolerant (in terms of bearing physical pain and insults). I can’t understand myself sometimes. I behave very maturely sometimes while most of the times I am child. There is a personality clash: older Deeps vs the new emotional version. Moreover, there is now a realization of several special needs. D seems to be too practical at times…and some times he seems to be in his own world…

I want to be my older self, more practical & mature. But then she did not know the importance of friends, the importance of life…!

One thing remains the same…my confusion….

Comments

Unknown said…
u write well deepa!!
as about ur confusion, i think its because we try to type cast ourselves as a particular type of person.
the remedy i found out was to have a belive that my reaction to a particular stimulus depends to a great extent on the situation. i can exhibit all the degrees of a feeling as if it were a continuum...
hope u don't consider it as an advice as you mentioned in one of ur pervious post.
u need not live a situation to b able to advise.. i think it is sufficient to be empathetic.
10:43 AM
Unknown said…
u write well deepa!!
as about ur confusion, i think its because we try to type cast ourselves as a particular type of person.
the remedy i found out was to have a belive that my reaction to a particular stimulus depends to a great extent on the situation. i can exhibit all the degrees of a feeling as if it were a continuum...depending on the situation, i react.

hope u don't consider it as an advice as you mentioned in one of ur pervious post.
u need not live a situation to b able to advise.. i think it is sufficient to be empathetic.
10:44 AM
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