Marriages - man vs destiny?
Wedding: Well, there may be varied reactions to this word by different people. Some dream about it while some consider it a nightmare. Some take it quite seriously whereas some people think it is just another responsibility as part of life. Some of us have a clear idea about what we look for in our “would be” and there is also a category of people that either has left it to God/ parents & relatives/destiny to select their bride/groom or has always believed in “love at first sight” (LAFS). Now this concept of LAFS is very interesting and unbelievable. I am not talking about the feeling (not to comment on the genuineness of it to be called love) that gets aroused due to the face value of a person. But this is something which cannot be put into words. This is inexplicable but let me give it a try. It’s like “we-have-met-before” kind of a feeling, even though you are meeting him/her for the first time. There is something that tells you that this is it. It obviously has no logic but then everything in this world is not rational and logical!!
Good if your gut feeling helps you but what about those unfortunate ones who don’t have such powers?? Well, right from the parents to shaadi.com, there are a lot of concerned parties who try their best to find them a good life partner - to the extent that this has become a business now and a source of income for many. With modernization of society, even this ritual is being conducted in style. Middlemen like marriage brokers to supporting staff like venue owners, interior designers, dress designers, etc. are all playing crucial roles to make it a memorable event for us. As supposedly for us Indians this is a once in a lifetime occasion! Ok…everybody around you seems to be happy but what about you??
This seems to be the right juncture to talk about love vs arranged marriages. What do you believe in? Well, for today’s generation, arranged marriages seem to be unimaginable. The first thought: how in the world can you think about leading your life with a stranger or for that matter sleeping with him/her?? Very true..I wonder how our parents and grand parents managed to do it! Right, so love marriages are better. But how to make your parents and relatives understand this fact? I agree that a considerable segment of society has changed its mindset about inter-caste and love marriages but there are still those who prefer to follow the traditional rules. One of the reasons is fear of society and peer pressure that influence our parents. Another reason seems to be their apprehension that their children would make a bad choice. After all they are the ones who are most concerned with the long term welfare of their children. And the logic behind the same caste may be that their children don’t face any difficulty in adjusting to the culture of the in-laws (esp. applicable for the girls).
But what I can’t comprehend at times is that if we have to strike a balance between our parents’ preferences and our own liking, then how do we go about it? Look for a guy/girl who belongs to the same caste and then fall in love?? Hmm…doesn’t seem to be feasible. And if you go for your parents’ choice, you go with a pre-condition that you want to spend some time with that person before tying the knot. You also get permission from your parents. Very well…Now after spending a considerable time, you feel that you are not made for each other. NOW how do you plan to cope with this reality? How meaningful were those moments spent with that person?
Do you always look at a relationship from a long term perspective? Do you fall in love keeping in mind that you have to marry that person and that you have to spend your entire life with him/her?
Consider another situation. You fall in love with a person but that person doesn’t reciprocate with similar feelings for you. Do you wait for that person or move ahead in life? What if after one or two years that person wants to come back to you? Would you accept him/her? Would you still fell the same way about him/her? Hmm..looks like a moral dilemma (now that I attend classes on values & ethics!)..isn’t it?
Nuptial ceremony is indeed one of those rituals of society that forms an indispensable part of every human being's life. It changes the course of an individual’s & his/her family’s life in its entirety. The vagrant mind begins to understand the meaning of words like compromise, adjustment, commitment and adaptation. One gets obsessed with marital bliss and undergoes tremendous amount of emotional and physical change. For a girl, the transformation is far graver.
The more I think about it, the stronger grows my belief that “Matrimony is the biggest social gamble”!
Good if your gut feeling helps you but what about those unfortunate ones who don’t have such powers?? Well, right from the parents to shaadi.com, there are a lot of concerned parties who try their best to find them a good life partner - to the extent that this has become a business now and a source of income for many. With modernization of society, even this ritual is being conducted in style. Middlemen like marriage brokers to supporting staff like venue owners, interior designers, dress designers, etc. are all playing crucial roles to make it a memorable event for us. As supposedly for us Indians this is a once in a lifetime occasion! Ok…everybody around you seems to be happy but what about you??
This seems to be the right juncture to talk about love vs arranged marriages. What do you believe in? Well, for today’s generation, arranged marriages seem to be unimaginable. The first thought: how in the world can you think about leading your life with a stranger or for that matter sleeping with him/her?? Very true..I wonder how our parents and grand parents managed to do it! Right, so love marriages are better. But how to make your parents and relatives understand this fact? I agree that a considerable segment of society has changed its mindset about inter-caste and love marriages but there are still those who prefer to follow the traditional rules. One of the reasons is fear of society and peer pressure that influence our parents. Another reason seems to be their apprehension that their children would make a bad choice. After all they are the ones who are most concerned with the long term welfare of their children. And the logic behind the same caste may be that their children don’t face any difficulty in adjusting to the culture of the in-laws (esp. applicable for the girls).
But what I can’t comprehend at times is that if we have to strike a balance between our parents’ preferences and our own liking, then how do we go about it? Look for a guy/girl who belongs to the same caste and then fall in love?? Hmm…doesn’t seem to be feasible. And if you go for your parents’ choice, you go with a pre-condition that you want to spend some time with that person before tying the knot. You also get permission from your parents. Very well…Now after spending a considerable time, you feel that you are not made for each other. NOW how do you plan to cope with this reality? How meaningful were those moments spent with that person?
Do you always look at a relationship from a long term perspective? Do you fall in love keeping in mind that you have to marry that person and that you have to spend your entire life with him/her?
Consider another situation. You fall in love with a person but that person doesn’t reciprocate with similar feelings for you. Do you wait for that person or move ahead in life? What if after one or two years that person wants to come back to you? Would you accept him/her? Would you still fell the same way about him/her? Hmm..looks like a moral dilemma (now that I attend classes on values & ethics!)..isn’t it?
Nuptial ceremony is indeed one of those rituals of society that forms an indispensable part of every human being's life. It changes the course of an individual’s & his/her family’s life in its entirety. The vagrant mind begins to understand the meaning of words like compromise, adjustment, commitment and adaptation. One gets obsessed with marital bliss and undergoes tremendous amount of emotional and physical change. For a girl, the transformation is far graver.
The more I think about it, the stronger grows my belief that “Matrimony is the biggest social gamble”!
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